i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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