Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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