Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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