her vagine was all disorganized.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
