Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
