thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
