Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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