4 words: hood of his car
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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