i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
