i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
