your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
