This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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