I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
