So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
