if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
