I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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