You're my little dorito
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
