I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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