He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
