I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
