If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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