When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize