i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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