Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
