mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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