Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
