i need an iv and a liver transplant
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Found your dick twin last night
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
