So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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