i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
