You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
