im about as happy as oj after his trial
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
