sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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