PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Sober January is a disaster.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
