Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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