My nipple is on Facebook.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We left an ass print on the piano.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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