and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
is it fun? or sober?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
