I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
