All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
