My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
