Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
