Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
