you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
