whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
