i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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