And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
