reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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