I think my fart just growled at me.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
