i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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