So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
