i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
