i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
