The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
