we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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