i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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