3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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