Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize