Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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