Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize