ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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