i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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