If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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