xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
