I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
