apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
