I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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