I wish I could teleport
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
