I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
