thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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